I often hear people talk about how social and personal life is basically a system of barter. I give something to someone and get something in return for it.
Barter is the exchange of commodities of equal value. It was the system used
to run the economy in ancient civilizations.
I do not want to talk about barter as regards the economy, what I want to talk about is when this notion of barter is taken to extend to our personal lives as well.
In my previous employment when I had left the job, I thanked my employer for having given me the opportunity to work with him. He responded to me very humbly by saying that there was no need to thank him as it was a matter of give and take. He further added that social life is based on give and take and that one loves one's father only because he helps you out in tough times.
I was left with a nebulous sense of disagreement after I left his room but I was able to clear the cobwebs after sometime by giving a little more thought to it.
I asked myself, do I really love my Mom and Dad because they help me in tough times? At least for me, the answer is an emphatic no. I do agree that there is some form of give and take with my parents, in which they give and I take. I also reciprocate to their deeds with actions indicating the sense of gratitude I feel towards them. But the point at which I completely disagree with my ex-employer is where he talks about this exchange as being the basis of the relationship.
I would certainly not stop loving my parents if they were unable to help me in difficult times. And they would not stop loving me if I were to be ungrateful to their actions towards me. There is an exchange though, at the level of feelings and emotion. But calling this an exchange would be to undermine the essence of this give and take.
To call this kind of give and take where one person can feel the other person being a part of oneself, which endures even when it becomes one-sided, is done more justice to by calling it a bond, something much stronger, deeper and enduring than the relationship of give and take.
I feel it is the kind of give and take that you have with yourself. Exchange is really a misnomer for the relationship. An exchange assumes that there are two separate entities each acting in its self interest. This assumption just does not hold true in a lot many relationships like the one I just talked about.
I would just say that the view of personal relationships as a form of barter reflects a sorry state of affairs as far as the mind of the person who believes in it is concerned. I for one can never look at my relationship with my Dad and Mom or my Brother or Granny or someone else who is close as a form of barter. It is a really sorry idea that I would never like to be forced into believing in.